A good dusting and a spoonfull of sugar

There is a story of two siblings that were brought up together. They were raised the same and we are to believe treated the same. Their outcome though was different.

Cain and Able have always interested me, I think mainly because it was their choices that led them to their outcomes. Cain chose to be jealous and angry and kill his brother, he ultimately allowed his thoughts and emotions of feeling that the Father was wrong, mean and subsequently treated him poorly, but certainly his next actions were within his own free will to make things worse. Able on the other hand is different, we know through what it says in the Bible that Able was good and behaved appropriately, and this is what I have been thinking about. Able just got on with it, and God rewarded this favourably to him.

Cain didn't have to do what he did, God did not show favour to Able because the thoughts that Cain had. Miracles can be recieved in any size, shape and form. Miracles can be given to who so ever asks. Anyone can be blessed.

Quite a few thoughts came out of this, the first reminded me of a story. And Yes for all my Donkey reading fans out there it is another donkey story.

The farmer and his donkey would go out to plough the fields each day, whatever the season or the weather. One day the donkey fell into a hole.

The farmer stood and pondered a while as to what he should do. The donkey couldn’t get out under its own steam, the farmer wasn’t strong enough to get him out on his own and the nearest village where he could get help was a good couple of hours walk away.

So the farmer finally and reluctantly decided that the donkey was near enough to the end of his life that he probably wouldn’t last much longer so he might as well just bury him in the hole. He set about the long hard task of shovelling the earth over his shoulder and into the hole. Now the donkey was understandably not at all happy about this stuff landing on and around him and anyway had no intention of dying. So he started moving around, shaking the earth off and gradually tramping it down under him. The farmer, intent on digging and hurling in the earth, didn’t notice.

Some time later the donkey walked out of the hole.

So the moral of the tale: If something’s getting you down, you’re not happy about it and have no intention of accepting it, learn from the old donkey:

Shake it off, put it behind you and get on with life!

So much possibilty is in front of us, so much we are capable of achiving, and when we reflect back on this it seems apparent that we have performed miracles in our darkest moments, often apparent that they are little miracles but miracles none the less.

I had my car taken away from me today.

It is horrible, there has been some confusion with the warrenty on the licening that the disability team from the motability. They had very kindly extended the date for the cars return but the dates being muddled up caused a lot of problems, and now for the next three weeks I do not have a car. (I do have several options available to me that i have been working on) Now, this plus a lot of negativity last week would have normally have sent my depression in to a downward spiral. I would be feeling bad, negative about my health, where I wouldn't be able to get around, sad that I have lost the car and generally having low self esteem. Yet instead I rung around, found out all of my opions available, relied on friends to talk to and help leveate some stress. And I now have several options infront of me without being depressed and spiralling out of control.

I honestly believe that the holes we get into can be avoided, we can act better and avoid some situations, ignore negativity, do not rise to arguments and continue being the good person that you can be. In allowing the devil the little bit of satisfaction of getting you to the ground is difficult to avoid because he is so good at doing it. But I heard a phrase at a Christian conference recently that stated that we should avoid the devil putting the spear into our necks when we are concentrating on everything else around on, as we lay motionless on the ground. This made me think that the bigger things that happen can be avoided.

Stop blaming other people for teh things that are bad that happen and blame yourself for your problems. Just because things are not going right in your life now does not give you the right to blame others. Because things have not gone right before and you are haunted by things in the past shouldn't be anyone else's fault. Stop worrying about the past and concentrate on the future, look forward rather than the problems behind you. Look up (to God) rather than allowing the devil to keep you focused motionless on the ground. God will hold His hand out to help you, He will strengthen you in all of His ways but He will not do it for us, because we have the free will choice. Just because life is hard shouldn't mean we should sit and wait for a mirale. We need to get up dust off and climb out of the hole.

Keep the thought "I can do what I can do"

David had 5 smooth stones but killed a giant. Moses didn't think he could do the things God asked out off him. Trust that God will help you and when you wiggle and dust yourself off God is with you helping you make a bit of progress. The reality of living our lives can be hard, very hard, but sometimes we need to act like Able and get on with it, see the miracles unfold, be aware of the bad that is around us but continue for God, because in that case God will still provide and give us a helping hand. Sitting and waiting for the miracles to happen in front of you or waiting for God to do teh task for us is never going to happen. As the saying goes "A watched Kettle doesn't boil" If you want to heat water until it boils, then you watch it while you wait, then it seems to take a very long time. In the same way, anything that we wait for with eager attention seems to take a very long time: like waiting for someone to arrive, waiting for the phone to ring, waiting for a letter to come. This Miracle watching reminds me of the scene from Mary Poppins when the children tidy the nursery, The boy Micheal sees Mary and his Sister Jane perfom the magic and he tries and tries again to do it himself but once everything is busy around him he is slightly distracted and then he just gets on with it.

Sometimes we can get into terrible situations in life, sometimes we can be angry about them, but try and not let the devil allow you to concentrate to much on them. Get up, wiggle, dust yourself off and climb out of the hole. Click your fingers and pray to God and instead of waiting or getting tied up with His answering of your prayer get on with your life and do good.  More importantly Miracles can be given to who so ever asks. Anyone can be blessed.

Who is taking you for a ride?

"Any one can hold the helm when the sea is calm."

Publilius Syrus

Being in control over a situation is always easy when you know things are safe and carefree. I hear so many stories from people who tell me that life got hard when they least expected it. I have always felt that was a silly thing to say because you are never expecting it.

This got me thing that sometimes maybe you are.

When you know bad things are going to happen in a situation, however horrible that situation then seems, is sometimes easier to cope with, you can almost control what is coming head on. But the moment you stop taking control of life and let go of what is steering you, because you think that everything will be good, you are more likely to steer in to trouble. You need to have a clear focus on who is guiding you, and then when the trouble or burdens come your way you have an emergency back up to help you out.

When I was a child I use to really enjoy going to the seaside with my mum and dad. It was such a lovely event, as long as there was good weather in the sky there was something I use to really enjoy seeing, and when I was really young (and well-behaved) something that I really would enjoy doing, going on the seaside Donkey ride!

It sounds strange to people who are not use to this custom, but going to a British Sandy Beach in the height of summer and seeing a Donkey/Donkeys on the beach, letting the children ride them up and down, was sheer excitement for me. You would usually see 6 to 8 donkeys lined up in a row on the beach and depending on the type of people running the event you would have a variety of Donkeys, each possibly with a specific, yet funny name, and some dressed up or even wearing hats.

This has been a British tradition since Victorian time, with a recorded start in 1790 at Margate, in Kent, although I am sure it was going on before then. This seaside event has become less popular over the years, I would assume mainly because of the cruelty aspect of using animals in this way. However you can still find these events at more popular seaside resorts. You would queue up, along the "carpet" track, looking for the most brightly coloured donkey, or the donkey with the best name (The names were clearly on show, they would usually be put across the saddle and then highlighted on the donkey's harness and reigns.

But now as an adult I see the whole thing slightly differently. When you think about it, this little adventure for the children puts the adults in a strange position. The Donkey, although apparently a docile creature, is still an animal and all animals are spontaneous, with anything able to happen at any moment. So realistically we are putting a child, our child, aged below 8 (usually) on the back of this animal is rather careless. Especially when you consider the height that the child could fall from. But come on, I must be ridiculous and completely overreacting here, realistically it should be OK, when we then see two things in front of us.


1: The Donkey has reigns on, so we must assume that there is a certain amount of control over the animal.


2: That the Donkey is controlled by the person who is walking a long side them. So again, we must assume that it is safe for our children to ride as there is control over the situation.


But could the Donkey still lose control?

Yes, of course it could, the Donkey could kick or run. Especially when you see the previous points differently, when you look at the reigns that the Donkey has on, if it was completely safe and controlled then you wouldn't need the reigns, but the real truth is that it is still an unpredictable animal.


But the next important thing is the person, the Donkey guide, we don't know these people, these people are complete strangers, yet we are happy to pass these people our child, to man handle.

When we send children to school we, as a society, are completely obsessed with what is best for our children, what is the best and safest! We become obsessed with Ofsted reports and qualifications of staff. When our child becomes sick, automatically Doctors have to be the best in the country to even be considered to look after your children. Yet when it comes to Donkey rides at the beach, we are happy to allow complete strangers to look after our young child. We allow them to pick up and put our Child on to a Donkey, without even checking if they are C.R.B checked, or have childcare regulations, are they first aid trained? Are the animals checked and treated by the R.S.P.C.A? But yet they go and walk the Donkey up and down the beach with a child, our child, sat on a flimsy but incredibly colourful saddle.


Now, as a parent I am in two minds, I would love my two boys, when they are older, to go on to the beach and ride a Donkey up and down it. It is fun and exciting for the first few times that you do it. Yet, my children are also my most precious and valuable items that I “posses”. I would die for them without any hesitation. So when my two boys go to the beach and go for their Donkey ride I will be looking at the two points raised earlier, the Donkey and the Donkey guide. The Donkey is carrying the most precious thing in the world to me, but is also carrying the weight of my son and the saddle that is on its back. (One of hundreds I am sure the Donkey has or would have done that summer)

The weight must be a burden.

Then the Guide now has taken that burden of responsibility. That is a lot of responsibility, but is so easily given over. But in reality, we as humans do this time and time again.


But when we look at the Donkey, it always looks very sweet and nice. We never really hear any stories of Donkeys attacking children. And at times I have even seen Donkeys wearing cute little hats (which I am pretty sure is probably against the law now) saying "Kiss me quick" or some other seaside slogan. So we look on at these animals and at this stranger and look around and are drawn in to the world of Donkey rides, with Donkeys that look trust worthy because they are wearing a hat!

Sadly, we are often the Donkeys in this scenario, mainly due to the fact that we are carrying these very heavy burdens. We are so use to carrying something that is precious to us, however irrelevant they might be to others, of which the precious load; the load that we want to protect is sometimes the heaviest. We as a society find it easy to pile on more precious items for others to carry. We are plodding along with our normal burdens, our normal loads, continuing with our normal lives our normal jobs, which is never easy. It isn't like we were designed to carry extra jobs, loads and burdens to carry and then for us to comfortably walk on hot sand. But alas, we still do it, we dress ourselves up, sometimes sparkle, pushing our pride out, with our pride on show, our name on show. But only because it is who we are, and what is expected from us, however hard we carry on plodding along.

But it is hard, so we need a good Donkey guide, someone reliable, even if they appear to be complete strangers to the on lookers. In reality the Donkey knows the guide. The guide would have handled, fed, groomed and cared deeply for these animals (even if the only reason for doing so was just so they could make money from them, but none the less they are cared for) So, for the donkey, however much it is expected from him, and us, the truth for him should be that the people queuing up to "burden" him more are probably the strangers, putting even more precious items on them to carry.

So, if you are buying this analogy and are following with what I have been saying the question then to be raised is, if you are you Donkey, who is your Guide?

This is such an important role, because they wont just care and look after you in the winter months when things seem easier, they will also be on the beach, in the hot weather helping you walk, whilst they hold on to your reigns.

Ideally I would say allow God to be your guide, let Him get a firm grip on your reigns, but the truth is that He already is.

We all know the lovely footprints in the sand poem but if you don't, I will briefly outline it here, but I would recommend you actually find it and read it: A person has been promised that if he follows God, God will always walk with Him. He is walking on sand and occasionally there are two sets of foot prints, and at other times there is only one pair. The person questions it to God, accusing Him of leaving him, but God points out that He was actually carrying the person in that time and is why there is only one set of footprints. This would help me think that God is the person that has a good grip on your reigns, who is always your guide, even when you think otherwise.

But we sometimes break free.

The problem comes though when you end up being burdened by others, and they start to guide your actions and choices, because you are carrying something that although might be irrelevant to you, it is also precious to them. So these people take charge, you allowing them to take control stops your guide, when it should be God. This is really the concept of giving authority. We should at all times acknowledge that God and Jesus are Authority over all, but the moment you let someone else take charge you are then allowing them to have Authority over you.

In a few of the Gospels we see that Jesus restores a demon possessed man. This shows ideally the concept of allowing others to take over our lives.

Taken from Mark 5 we see that Jesus got out of a boat with his disciples following him, a man at the time called Legion was possessed with an evil Spirit or Demon. Legion came running from the tombs and “prison” where he was kept to meet him. No one in the neighbouring village could help him and stop Legion from doing horrendous things, not even when they tried to bind him with a chain. No one was strong enough to subdue him. When he saw Jesus from a distance, Legion fell to his knees in front of him. He started to shout at the top of his voice, “What do you want with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? In God’s name don’t torture me!” When Jesus had said to him, “Come out of this man, you impure spirit!”

This next point I find really interesting, Legion begged Jesus again and again not to send them out of the area. Jesus, taking pity cast them into some neighbouring pigs, but ultimately Jesus gave them permission, then Legion came out and went into the pigs.

The man that was possessed had someone else taking control of his actions, to the point that Legion became powerful, we see this in the way that the neighbouring villagers could subdue or control him and even then they ultimately buckled and allowed him to live on the outskirts, chained very poorly. The possessed mans authority was no longer in God; the Demon was currently guiding his actions. God seemingly was no longer in control. But what we do see is that the authority is always left with Jesus. Legion recognised this, recognised the power that was within him, why else would he have begged the way he did.

And then the most important part, Jesus cast him out with HIS permission.

Showing that His authority is the highest and actually however much something else takes control he is the person who is guiding you.

So think about the winter months in your life, when you are not carrying others burdens. Who is feeding, grooming, giving you somewhere to sleep and comes and sees you everyday? Ultimately remember that this person is standing there with Authority to guide you correctly.

So next time you are at the beach and you see donkeys lined up or walking up and down the beach think. Even, if you are lucky enough to be the parent holding the reigns of the donkey that your child is riding, the Stranger that is standing a few feet from you, walking with you, is also walking with their precious load.

To start an adventure, you need perseverance

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time."

Thomas Edison

Perseverance and persistence is always easier said than done and then when you do persevere, often to others confusion, you are more than likely to be called stubborn. Yet perseverance in spite of all obstacles, difficulties and all types of discouragements, however impossible it may seem, is what distinguishes the strong from the weak.

Nearly every man, woman and child who thinks of an idea and then works at it until they get up to the point where it looks impossible, will start to feel discouraged and want to stop. When in reality that is not the place to get down heartened and stop, if anything that is the place when you need to take a deep breath and carry on. Yet again, this is always easier said than done, so it is on these times when you ask for help, use the most reliable person to help you, ask God, with His help, to persevere should be easy.

For a while I have been thinking about writing this, I have had so many ideas and thoughts that have run through my mind, but I have been scared to formulate them.

I have always been the type of person that doesn't like failure, but then who does? But to fail for me is often to get a knife and to be stabbed, to be gutted, OK, maybe a little dramatic, but it hurts and it is always difficult for me to ever let go of it once I have failed. It doesn't take me that long to be thinking negative things, putting myself down and then entering a spiral of self hate, and hate of others. But I don't want to be that way. I want to be better, I want to be more Christ like, and most importantly I want to fight.

The difficulty we face is that failure is usually set in our minds early on in the task. We find it far easir to want to give up than persevere, I would assume because to perserve is to stand firm and work harder. If you are anything like me though the thoughts of giving up enter my mind quicker then the resolution to persist. I find it easier to hold on to the negative things people say to me or about me, rather than the good. So why on earth am I meditating on the bad rather than the good?

Yet with me the thought of failure captures me so easily. Even when I pray and ask God for help when I realise that I am thinking negatively (Most of the time I don't realise it until I'm deeper into the thoughts, thinking of anger, sadness even at times revenge) To save myself from this hurt I tend to only enter into activities, talks, discussions where I know or assume to know about the topic. Although many may see this as arrogance, my way of thinking is, if I know the topics then I have less chance of being wrong. Very egotistical I know, but actually all I am doing is safeguarding myself against being hurt by the embarrassment and then by the hurtful negativity my brain starts to think up.

So for me to start writing this was a challenge because I needed to cross a threshold that I was scared of crossing, an area where I could be setting myself up for failure.

The thought for this book came to me about two years ago when I was writing a post for my blog, (Which has eventually been turned and edited into one of the chapters) The concept of the Donkey started to fascinate me, and although I haven't done this mad study for all relevant Donkey related items in the last two years, God has shown me so much more, lots of which has helped me have a back ground knowledge, at least for me some very thought provoking points.

I think the hardest battle with this in general is the concept of a Donkey (especially when they are not even an animal I particularly think of when I think of an animal that I like)

But in some ways this whole project is exactly a Donkey.

One of my first thoughts of Donkeys is Eeyore, from A. A. Milne's stories of Winnie the Pooh.

Poor Eeyore, he has such a hard time, and things just never seem to go well for him. For those unaccustomed to Eeyore he is usually characterised as a pessimistic, gloomy, depressed, old, grey stuffed donkey who is a friend of the title character, Winnie the Pooh. When something bad happens in the Hundred Acre Woods you can usually bet that poor Eeyore is in the middle of it, looking sad and gloomy.( Apart from my own personal connections to Eeyore, I feel that this writing had been a bit like his existence.) The saddest thing of all though is where he lives, in the darkest, gloomiest and possibly the dirstiest part of A Hundred Ache Wood; The boggy swamp land. Amusingly to the Wnnie the Pooh francise we even read on the given map of A hundred Ache wood the reference for Eeyores house as "Eeyore's gloomy place, rather boggy and sad",

No wonder with all of this going on, that poor old Eeyore is gloomy and depressed and constantly having to build and rebuild his home made of sticks, if this is where he lives!

It is really easy to start something and not finish it, and it is usually the things that take the smallest of time or ease that becomes the most difficult. I am horrible at this. I personally hate the little things because they become the big things, just as I mentioned above a small negative thought for me can easily balloon into a large negative obsession rather than a good positive action or thought for God.

Even in everyday life it is the small things.

I wish I had a dish washer; it would make my life a lot easier. If the truth be told, what is a 2 minute activity turns into a 15 minute activity. Only on the pretence that I have made myself some toast and a cup of coffee, so that is, in washing up terms, a small plate, a cup, spoon and a knife (as I stated a 2 minute washing up task) Oh no, the thoughts that run through my mind are "well it wont take me long I'll put it on the side and do it later" then without me noticing the washing up acquired has multiplied! Then becoming a horrible chore!

Life can easily turn out of control and it is because of that, that we tend not to finish the things that we start. But I think Eeyore actually has the right frame of mind, Eeyore in truth is a prime example of many people in the world today. Apparently sad, gloomy, a little bit stuffed, but plodding a long to complete whatever task they are doing.

Allowing circumstances to take control of our lives and letting simple things quickly run away with us reminded me of the story of David. The David from the Bible that most people will recognise as the boy that defeated Goliath, or as the man that became King. At the time teh current king, King Saul was so annoyed with the Glory and attention that David seemed to be receiving that he tried many ways to get to him, to kill him, or even for him to be expelled from the city. He tried to kill David 6 times, David the Hero, was no longer a hero, he was now a fugitive and because of this his life quickly span out of control.

David soon gets the message and he kisses his wife goodbye and runs off. He didn’t dare run to his family for support, with the fear that they too might be hunted and killed. He really couldn’t seek refuge and hide within another city, as again being known as the great defender of King Saul and his people, he has more than likely got a price on his head and would be hated and even hunted there. He wondered and eventually he came a cross a church where he met a priest called Achimelech. The priests at this church would save their bread as an offering, set out for every Sabbath and a week later they would eat the bread. David, our hero, goes against his previous character and deceives Achimelech to get this sacred bread, stating that it was Royal command! Why lie? Why has our hero who clearly understood Gods love and power, suddenly turning against what he knew was right and right for God?

Sheer desperation has sunk in. He needs somewhere for sanctuary; he needs a place to eat.

David thought he wouldn't be under God's protection and he would die. The man that refused King Saul's armour to fight Goliath now picks up Goliath's sword from a priest. With the faith that David had, he fought and survived ten of thousands of battles, killing tens of thousands of men.

What could make us so desperate to lose focus?

I came to the conclusion that there is quite often so much pressure we have on this life that we fall under it. I know the pressure of trying to afford to live, trying to do the right thing, trying to be a parent and look after others. This is the pressure that makes us so desperate; this is the pressure that makes some people lie, cheat and steal. But, we need to remember that even at the darkest moments, God is our focus, turn to Him and ask for His help. David stumbled, but David stumbled into God. God provides us with nourishment and equips us to cope in life.

In Davids case he eventually escaped to the cave of Adullam. Where his brothers and his father's household heard about it and on this news they went down to him there.

Even with the events that happened here David’s family, with their love, persevered and went to him; this would have been at great risk and betrayal to King Saul.

More importantly so did God.

He never gave up on David; he persevered, knowing that David would be great for his people. God sent men, who were seen as criminals by King Saul to David, where eventually he mounted an army of around 600 men and eventually they fought back.

Even when things are the most difficult and you feel that life is falling down around you and out of control, persevere. Others around you are persevering for you, even if you are aware of it or not. God is persevering for you, constantly wanting the best for you.

One of my all time favourite verses of scripture is from Philippians 4 verse 5.

“Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near."

This verse, plus the story of David, reminds me to be a Donkey and in this back to the case of Eeyore, possibly seen as the most docile and gentle characters in the stories.

In most of the Winnie the Pooh adventures, Eeyore's house is always falling down. His house is very poorly made out of a few sticks. (I think if anything it is a very poorly made shelter, often with massive gaps throughout.) The important thing is that he doesn't give up, even to rebuild his stick house in the rather boggy and sad looking corner of Hundred Acre Woods. Donkeys have a notorious reputation for stubbornness, and I often think that if anyone ever tried to help Eeyore move into a nice warm brick house, he would stubbornly stand their and carry on building his stick shelter. Most think that the stubbornness has been attributed to a much stronger sense of "self preservation" than exhibited by horses; therefore it is more difficult to force or frighten a donkey into doing something it perceives to be dangerous for whatever reason. Yet I think the case of Eeyore is different here, I don't see it as being stubborn (of which I think is probably a poor illustration of Donkeys) but more a sense of perseverance. He is standing there in the darkest moments, darkest parts of the woods, feeling worn down, depressed and gloomy, yet what does he do? He bends down in all of the distraction around him and his life and picks up the fallen sticks and rebuilds his stick house. Eeyore is not allowng his surroundings to destroy the one thing has has left, he has faith to rebuild, even is at times he thinks it is a losing battle.

It is the principle behind the actions; he is not stubbornly rebuilding to prove a point. Eeyore has found a place that reflects who he is, and because of that he is persevering to survive there in his means.

However difficult things should get, I think we need to think about Eeyore and David, try to persevere through to finish what we have started, even when it is difficult and looks like stubbornness. If it was something worth doing then God will be there every step of the way supporting you in whatever it is. So hold on and pick up that next stick, even when your last attempt has fallen down, as it should never be seen as failure. Try and see it as it is written in the book of James. “As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy."

What are you doing, that reflects you? That reflects God? That you should honestly be thinking I need to pick up that next stick and carry on whatever.

Going in Depths to find a Panther

I sit every day and ponder so much.

I really try to find ways for me to escape myself.

People are such funny creatures, I sometimes get so easily aggravated by them that half the time I spend thinking I am concerned and angry at them for their own oblivious thoughts and actions.

I know who I am, I honestly can say that I do, there are many levels and layers to me, I put up many guards and barriers for a number of reasons yet I still know who I am.

Do you?

Many people if they were being honest would say no, they don't, probably wouldn't know where to start, that doesn't mean that they are unsure of their current life path, or that they are constantly battling with the concept within themselves, they could quite happily be living their lives, with things that make them happy, but this could still leave them to be undecided and unsure of who they truly are. Yet ultimately living in the now, the moment.

People often assume so much when it comes to me, assume that because I act a certain way, talk a certain way, my walking, my health my faith and my religion that they can make such big assumptions. They think that it is right that they should act and treat me a certain way. Why do we do this? Why don't we just sit and learn about the person that is in front of us rather than being a society that relies on first impressions, which ultimately annoy us and to top it off we are brought up against such things with phrases such as "Don't judge a book by its cover".

I know I have harped on so many times about knowing people that are in front of you, I know that I talk about the one to one relationships, but I know for me that these relationships are what keep me alive, literally sometimes. Do we assume that we know a famous artist because we have stared at his painting for half an hour, or do we admire the work that has been set before us, only hoping for a brief glance at a moment in this artists life.

I hear the sentence "I can never imagine what you go through with your health Martyn" an awful lot, yet this sentence will often follow with " But I have a....." and I will find that there is a related story, aliment, illness that this person is trying to help build a connective bridge to me with. I love that they do this, they are trying, trying to build an opening to me, to share, but at exactly the same time this sentence gets my back straight up and defencive, I would love to scream at times "NO! No you can never imagine what it is like", but I don't, I sit and smile at the attempt at relating. But is that right? I wonder what other scenarios would play out like, a man and women; man " yeah I understand what childbirth is like, I once had this splinter that had to be extracted!" How would that be taken? Or to a member of a different race: "I once went to school with someone like you and they were really funny because.." Would that go down well? We don't do this because it is wrong. We shouldn't list a mountain of reasons to find a connective rather than actually create one itself by learning about the person not by just assuming you know them. Bea blank page,and just talk and learn.

No one can really tell me what my life is like, what makes me so openly depressed and suicidal, or what makes my so happy and excited, because of the truth be known no one apart from me and God truly knows who I am. People have come close, some know the next words, thoughts and actions and enjoy the intense relationship that truly knowing a person can be like. Some people will truly love me and see the strength inside me and want to attach themselves to it, making the relationship so strong but in the balance so vulnerable to the opposing person. It is people like this that I try and strive to have in my life, people who I would go to the depths of hell for and they would do the same, your personal saints and angels always looking after you.

If you want to know me ask, but the truth is I can tell you right now. I am trapped within myself, trapped within a body that doesn't work, however much I pick myself up and dust myself off and get "on" with life. My mind being frustrated at the continual loss that I suffer.

People who know loss, who have lost someone will know the feeling, the incapable feeling that they can't seem to do what they want because for some strange moment they seem restricted because of a thought, trapped within loss. And the people who don't know this feeling, it isn't your fault because it only occurs when you realise that you love something more than you love yourself. I love the fact that God gave me life, I love my boys and the life that I have with them. But yet I sit everyday fighting the battle where some ground of mine is lost, mentally or physically.

People may look at me and see a confident disabled man, who gets on with his life, who greets you with a smile, who laughs and makes light of the things in his life. Who will run around for everyone else, trying to make them realise that he is "normal" and making them realise that they are loved. When in truth, I feel trapped and scared, childlike and incredibly lonely. Yet people who do see this side, suddenly become scared and confused themselves and this is where the above mentioned vulnerability comes in. It is an horrendous feeling, because this person is a person with a certain amount of connective love and power over and for you. This is a person who looks directly at you and can rip your entire world apart. It can be hard to cope with that responsibility. But I am willing to take that risk, for someone, for lots to come in and take that risk with me. I always feel that my life is like the poem by Rainer M. Rilke, The Panther. Caught and trapped, a daily battle and only ever having people come in and out of my life, some that touch my heart, but often when they do they are then gone:

His vision, from the constantly passing bars,
has grown so weary that it cannot hold
anything else. It seems to him there are
a thousand bars; and behind the bars, no world.

As he paces in cramped circles, over and over,
the movement of his powerful soft strides
is like a ritual dance around a center
in which a mighty will stands paralyzed.

Only at times, the curtain of the pupils
lifts, quietly--. An image enters in,
rushes down through the tensed, arrested muscles,
plunges into the heart and is gone.

How many others feel like I feel? Either let yourself open up or try and build the close relationship and bond with the people around you. Don't become a  fleeting image that touches someones heart and is later gone. Help maintain your friends.

Would you wipe my feet?

I have had a strange few weeks, but I have been really grateful the people around me, my friends and my family.

I was sitting in church this morning and listening to a talk which was combined with Mothering Sunday and the story of Mary washing Jesus' feet with perfume.

How strange this concept now would be.

I struggle thinking of this scene. Jesus at this point was "collecting" a following, this was one of the reasons why Jesus knew of Mary, Martha and Lazarus, as we only see earlier in the book that he raised Lazarus from the dead. This family would obviously have been thankful and would have felt that they owed something to Jesus.

A few things stand out for me: First of all we read in John 12:1-8 that Lazarus, the man who was saved by Jesus is actually reclining at the table relaxing with Jesus disciples. Secondly, it was these women that asked, witnessed and then thanked Jesus for the kindness of raising Lazarus, this would have formed a greater boned, a greater understanding and a greater love towards Jesus.

It is amazing that this looks at the one to one relationship, it must have been strong for Mary to feel that she could exhibit that closeness through her actions. Would you comfortably wash someones feet? In your saved funeral perfume, that would help "cleanse" your body? something that would cost a years salary, as Judas kindly points out, would you after such a giving bend down and wipe someones feet?

I only struggle with this because this is such a loving gesture that is coupled quite happily with trust that it makes me question if 1: Would I do this for someone? 2: would someone do this for me?

This clearly would have been a BIG thing for them to do so how often do we just think about the little things that could cheer someones day up? Sometimes for me it is the smallest moments of interaction that shows that I have been in someones thoughts, or even at that very moment that they are concentrating on just being so welcoming around others.

Have you ever seen that person at a party, or even in a crowd, that when they are there, it is a "HERE I AM" type of person? or How often do you start telling the person in front of you a story about something that has happened to you, to then hear the person to jump in the middle of your conversation and go " Yes, I know exactly what you are talking about, this one time with me" Your friend has a story that relates to yours and the topic of your event suddenly gets dropped and is now focused on the event of your friends! We have all been in that scenario, we have all probably been that friend. I know I do it, I do it all the time! I hate when I catch myself doing it too! Does it bother you as much as it bothers me?

Of course it does, we are a society where we are now finding it more and more uncomfortable to talk to others and to relate to them. We are brought up to find mutual ground, to find some connective with the person in front of us to put us to ease in this on going distant techno - relationships world.

Facebook, however great it is, is not helping us truly step forward to the oncoming years for Evangelism. Lets have a look at the stories in the Bible: every one of key significance was a gathering. When Jesus appeared to the disciples on the beach, where they sat around a fire and ate fish, what would be the relevance of that now? Jesus signed on to Facebook, where he put twelve of his friends under chat and said 'hi guys I am back!'? Or that he created a social event called 'fish supper at the sea'?

I know this is just an extreme way of looking at it, but I always found that the beauty of Jesus and the twelve disciples was the fact that they sat and spoke to one another, they had that personal relationship, and it was this relationship that inspired others to follow. I can just imagine the disciples going off to tell the world of their friend, and the love that is in their eyes for that relationship.

I know I have told this story before but fell over at home once (it was horrible): I had gotten up really well and was planning on going into the kitchen to get a drink. But my legs twitched and I buckled over, tried to support myself with my arms, which also twitched and then headbutted the floor. Laying there with my arms trapped underneath me, not being able to move, I saw out of the corner of my eye my phone on the arm of the chair. That will be the point of my rescue. If I lay here long enough I can rest, pray to the Lord for recovery, and he will bring me peace in that time, and then when ready I could try to get my phone and call for help. Although the next thing to happen, happened with no contact at all, no technology. My brother randomly walks around to the back door, lets himself in, which from this point of view must have been a very strange thing as he see me laying locked on the floor. He grabs under my arms and by my belt, flings me up in the air to standing, calls me a fat so-and-so and then says 'sorry, I was just down the road working and I needed the loo' at which he runs up stairs to the toilet. He then comes down, shouts bye and off he went back to work.

No questioning-no worry. He had that relationship with me that he didn't call first to check that it was ok, he just knew he could let himself into my house and go to the toilet.

The more and more I thought about this, the more I realised that not only was God present right there in that moment, but that it wasn't the technology that helped. It was Him. I have been told over and over that Facebook has allowed relationships to regrow by connecting people over distances, but isn't this techno relationship a poor substitute for their actual company? A picture of your sisters newborn the same as holding them for the first time? If i had my phone it would have probably been my brother that I had rung, but the feeling between us wouldn't have been the same-the nature of phones being what they are, it would have been punctuated with small talk, but our relationship is so much deeper than that.

I was very lucky and blessed that day because of the specific relationship I have with my brother. Was that relationship created through us being facebook friends? Or because we shared a bedroom and played together for most of the childhood, we lived, played, ate and laughed together? The same way Jesus did with his disciples and the life that they had with each other.

I am not saying cut the technology out either, I am well aware that this technology is here to aid us. If it means people can read the bible on the move, or connect with long lost relatives from around the world at a cheaper more accessible way. Then great.

In that social interaction choose who you want to be with them. Choose how you want to treat this person that is in front of you. Encourage them.

Encouragement of doing something right . This is the best way to attack and fight back against the attack of accusation and temptation, especially in the time of Lent for those who took it, but also in life in general, where we get so much just thrown in our direction. Christian or not, how often do you see a smile come on to people's faces when you encourage them and say something nice to them. You often here that if you say good morning or smile at someone first thing in the morning that they continue to smile or are polite to others throughout the day. Spreading the love. At what cost was it to you that you encouraged someone, saying something nice doesn't cost you a thing, and you never know that you saying a word of encouragement might tip the internal war and fight that the person is going through.

Jesus would have been a wonderful guest, fully present and 100% into that one person, the individual in front of him. He would have asked him the question " Tell me more" and as Jesus would, He would have seen him, like he saw him up the tree.

How often have you allowed someone to talk about something you have enquired about, they often feel happy and will have a smile on there face. Tell me more.

God is interested in all of us, all of us on an individual level, we too should be this interested in others, be open to all because God is in all of us and He loves us all. Show the world this and ask the question and make a statement. Tell me more.
So finally, encourage your friends, show them love, be willing to wipe their feet, and instead of being a person who keeps the conversation on to themselves, try to be a "There you are" person and ask a simple question when talking with a friend....."Tell me more!" I still stand by my statement from last year and say that these three words could change the world.

If I wereGod, I'd end all the Pain

I am currently half way through a very thought provoking book and I thought that I would share some of the things that I have read so far. In some places I agree and some I disagree, yet if I am completely honest there are sections that I haven't made my mind up with.

The Book is called "If I were God, I'd end all the Pain" by John Dickson

The first few chapters try to explain why the author has some views on this topic, explaining his personal experiences, where his father died in a plane crash when he was young.

This was a very interesting start, one that I was hopeful with, yet he immediately distracts from this and enters into the topic of coping strategies that other religions may consider using when dealing with suffering, it is some of these points that I wish to discuss. In general these chapters that I have read are quite a difficult read, not from a literately point of view but from the fact that the author is asking some deep, difficult and uncomfortable questions.

The most difficult concept being the argument that a God who allows sickness, suffering and death is not a God worth worshipping, or that He is a weak God, unable to control His chaotic world.

I have come across this main argument before, if I am honest I use to argue it!

There is usually 2 main logical assumptions.

1: That God is an all powerful God who CAN end suffering and therefore being all loving would also desire to end it. So logic would permit that if God is an all powerful and all loving God that wants us not to suffer, then there mustn't be a God because we are a world that suffers.

2: An all powerful God exist, an all loving God exists (the same premise as before) Yet in this option, God, must have a more loving reason to allow the suffering.

As a Christian the above points and assumptions are difficult to swallow, and at times difficult to answer. Mainly with the question being raised "Why would God allow it?"

I do not and will not ever believe that we are being punished and that is a result of a parent scolding a child, I just cannot believe that a God who sent His son to die for us so we can have a better life, would be like that. Why send Jesus in the first place if He wants to punish us?

The Book investigates the concept as suffering as balance, in basic terms, how most people see Karma, one counter reaction balances out another way.

If, for example, a person broke up a family home, then they would start having an existence of suffering then one could assume that the suffering has balanced out. (Almost a revengeful way) This too I find difficult, Why would that be necessary when we have a God who forgives? However, according to this book, this is a concept that is difficult to intellectually disprove. The author states:

"If i were to accept my suffering is divinely sanctioned balance for my wrongs, is it possible to find consolation in my pain? At one level, comfort may be found in thought that some of my prior sins have been balanced out, and therefore one experience of deserved suffering is out of the way."

I find this above statement incredibly disturbing. I can not see rationally why people can see this as a valid argument?! Especially when you consider my health problems, does that therefore mean that I am suffering because of my prior wrongs? I find that difficult only because I was born with this illness, and I was under the impression that we were generally born "clean" (I will clarify this statement of clean later). Can this also answer why a mother is suffering at the loss of a death of a child? mmmm....I doubt it.

This above point was one that I read, disagreed with strongly and found it then difficult to carry on reading. How do you feel about it?

The next point that really got me thinking is this, Desire.

Desire for something is such a strong emotion that it is usually attached to other emotions; Love and desire, hate and desire (for revenge) grief and desire (to see you loved one again) Sadness and desire (for improvement).

This concept of desire is described in the book as a concept considered by other religions for their suffering. So again with the understanding of someone, like myself, being sick that I have a desire to run etc and this desire for a better existence therefore is a double edged sword often as a reminder of what you or I can not do. This then results in a person that could believe because of a negative thoughts of desire that they are suffering.

This concept has never occurred to me but has had me thinking for a few days now. This would also "fill" in the previous "controversial" statement written above.

A women who is tragically grieving over the loss of her child is only doing so because they have a desire to be reunited with that child and therefore is being reminded of their loss and is currently suffering. It is still a difficult concept to take in though!

However, when I think about it, it does make sense. When I was at University there was a Girl in a motorised wheelchair who use to run people over, especially when she was drunk. She hated her life, her situation and was often moaning or upset. She felt she was suffering. She had the same illness as myself, yet a different strand, so the onset was earlier for her. Many people use to question why I wasn't acting the same as her, even now 12 years on and a deterioration of my illness I still get asked that question. Why am I not bitter about it? Well I am a little bit, but I have been given a hand that I was dealt with, I better see how far I can get in the game with it. That has 95% of the time been my attitude, and I definitely do not feel like I suffer!

So is the desire less for me here, and therefore I don't think I suffer in this way?

This reminded me of the different types of sin that exists.

1: Original Sin, created with Adam and Eve breaking the trust with God.

2: Our own active free will allowing us to make sinful decisions.

3: Indirect sin, Sin that someone else commits that has indirectly affected you. (For example a drink driver is committing the sin here, but their actions could result in someone being injured)

Could then Suffering be deemed in the the same way?:

1:Suffering that has existed for generations, like genetic illnesses that get passed along.

2: Our own suffering where desire plays a part to remind us that we are suffering in reflection of what we are missing.

3: Unexplained suffering, almost original suffering like original sin.

I suppose this book so far has explored and tried to cover the concepts of options 1 and 2, but with the opening chapter raising the point that I mentioned at the top, could original suffering be in place if God loved us? I don't have the answers, but have many a view point that I believe keeps me going from day to day.

Anyway, that is probably enough to get you thinking!

Really would appreciate your views on this, so please either leave a comment here or on the social network page that you may have read this from!

Thinking or meditating? Bad or Good?

I was asked by a friend if I wanted to help him, and support him, this year and give up alcohol with him. I drink quite heavily, I use it to help me sleep as I get quite a lot of sore muscles at night and the alcohol relaxes me enough to sleep. I thinking i was drinking too much last year gave it up for lent and lasted the 40days and nights, not even allowing the so called "Sunday allowance" So, obviously giving it up for longer will be harder, but worth a challenge as the drinking has been bothering me again.

I'm 6 days in and finding it hard! I sit in the evening and the thoughts of drinking comes into my mind. And the distraction technique of praying, reading the Bible or trying to recite something you have read earlier is just about working.

But it got me thinking last night. How often do you just think?

I think to much, I get so many negative thoughts in my mind.

I have been thinking about meditation, I try so hard to think and meditate on the positive things, but the bad jumps back in.
I know where these bad thoughts are coming from and I even try to push them down, often pleading to God not to allow these thoughts to be happening.

But then I get a good thought, which I am thankful to God for, but it is keeping hold of it.

But is that the point? Is it meant to be difficult? I spoke earlier in 2011 about life being a war, and then how often we are caught up in the spiritual warfare. I concentrated on the concept that its bigger than we know. But it is often also the little thoughts that are hitting away at us that can make the battle hard, wearing us down slowly.

2 Corinthians 10v4-5

The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.So really we can fight the negative thoughts that we have enter our minds, but it just isn't that easy. Or at least I don't find it that easy.

It doesn't take me that long to be thinking negative things, putting myself down and then entering a spiral of self hate, and hate of others. But I don't want to be that way. I want to be better, I want to be more Christ like, I want to fight.

I find it easier to hold on to the negative things people say to me or about me, rather than the good. So why on earth am I meditating on the bad rather than the good? But it captures me so easily. Even when I pray and ask God for help when I realise that I am doing it (Most of the time I don't realise it until I'm deeper into the thoughts, thinking of anger, sadness even at times revenge)

But God is aware how difficult the little things would be, how easy it if to fall.

In Proverbs 12v15-16 it warns us of such. The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice. Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.

The strange thing is that I know i am valued and I know that I am loved. I just forget it, mainly because I don't value myself. As the saying goes "One mans rubbish is another mans treasure"

How right is that, of course I think little of myself, I only think in little terms, can rarely see in big terms, and that is why the little thoughts are the ones that bother me. But the truth is that God sees in big terms, He sees me in big terms, and although I think I am rubbish and rubbish for God, that He sees a treasure. Why else would He send Jesus to die for us?

He wants us to be the best we can be for Him.
But I know this, you know this, but I still struggle, I would hope many of you still struggle, like I do.

I need to quit wishing that things were different, that I am different, then these thoughts wouldn't be so easy to creep in.

In Daniel 4v35 it says
All the peoples of the earth are regarded as nothing. He does as he pleases with the powers of heaven and the peoples of the earth. No one can hold back his hand or say to him: "What have you done?"

God doesn't see us as nothing, God sees the bigger picture and sees the good in us, even when we can't see it.But how often do we do the last bit, and ask why? Why are these things happening? Why am i sick? Why didn't I get that job or interview? Why did that person die?

These whys are valid questions, but often hanging on and even asking these questions can get other negative connotations attached to you thoughts. Don't pray to God asking Why. Trust Him more. Don't be confused, mentally searching for the right thing, the thing that is right or real, as often this is what is making you realise what is wrong and fake, and again these are the things that attach to our thoughts, that expand like a negative balloon.

So, how do I get out of the negative cycle?

I honestly don't know. I don't have all the answers, but I am not going to ask why, because I will just try and trust. I will try to meditate and let the positive things expand more in my mind, of course holding on to the good for as long as you can will help. Letting the light burn bright for as long as you can will help keep the darkness away. But I will also try to better myself, by having a better relationship with God, experiencing Him will only mean experiencing His love. But only by changing things that will allow this better relationship. I will try to value myself more, not worry so much, try to get some balance in my life, not to work too much, to give myself a break. I will make sure I have boundaries around me, with a good gate to allow the good in, but to keep out the bad, the people who help the negative thoughts come in, who honestly do not care for you in a way that they should.

I was told my a (differnt) friend (also my vicar) that sometimes you need to make sure your well is being filled by God, if you are constantly giving. I will try to do that, let God fill me more rather than having an empty well that can be filled by rubbish that God doesn't want in me.

Are you sleeping comfortably?

I came a cross a really interesting article that I thought I would share with you.

How often do we moan about sleeping? I often see many Facebook status' saying that people haven't slept well or that they just are not sleeping. Don't get me wrong I am just as bad, and will often do the same.

So what is our obsession with sleeping well?

I use to think it was down to the commitment that we have, commitment to be a parent; you're up all day running around after your children, is tiring, you need to sleep well to manage it the next day. Or take work as an example, working 10-12 hours a day and then again knowing that you have to do the same tomorrow on limited sleep is a nightmare!

What if then you work part-time and you're a parent and a husband/wife and you have other duties on top. Well, I am sure we can at some point relate to that.

So, is sleeping well a modern thing?

It must be, we all go out and make sure we buy comfy mattresses, which usually suit our life style, be it hard mattresses, soft, body shaping or even the latest spring memory foamed. With all this modern advances we must be counter reacting to the normal life style that we are creating for ourselves, could even say living comfortably to our means and lifestyle.

Realistically, thousands of years ago, people weren't sleeping on mattresses before they went out and worked on the field or cared for their family!

Or so we would have thought!

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2011/11/111208-oldest-mattress-africa-archaeology-science/

According to this article a 77,000 year old Mattress has been discovered, showing that they cleverly worked out specific layers of plants and materials to for a 12 inch (30 cm) mattress to sleep on and to top it off, they were also concerned about bedbugs!! As it appears the top layers were specific plants that kept away Ants, flies and mosquitoes  (and I would assume other bugs)

It really isn't a surprise though when you think about how many animals build nests, even some closer related species like chimps and gorillas who build nests for sleeping comforts. But still, reading the article still impressed me.

It really got me thinking how in some ways our long lost ancestors must have dreamt of a good night sleep just as much as we do! And they survived to hunt and fish another day, then so shall we!!

Now stop hogging my Mammoth blanket and let me get some sleep!

Christmas and Children

Christmas is such a lovely time of year.

It is probably one of the busier times of years for churches, I am aware of more people going to church at this time of year, which in some ways is brilliant because the people who are going try to set something aside for God.

I was wondering if this has anything to do with our childhood memories?

Most of us remember the Christmas rush at school, there would be the Christmas school play, the Nativity and usually the Carols that we would sing in Assemblies (usually very loudly!!) We all grow up with the feeling that these are things that help us get into the Christmas spirit. My Sister-in-law for example, posted on facebook, "Christmas songs playing in the car and it is snowing, now feeling all Christmassy" 

So, for a Christian, although I could argue that Once a year church isn't really Church, i think we should use this opportunity to present ourselves, God, Jesus the best that we can, allow our churches to capture the hearts of everyone who comes.

I know, though that this is difficult to do, so for the time being I will smile at seeing everyone new coming into church for the special events.

My target event this year is the Nativity service. I am keen on seeing if I can get as many people, as possible, hopefully people with children, to this service this year. I mentioned this service and it has happily spread like wild fire. Fantastic!!
And to this date we have organised at least 4 people coming with their families to enjoy the service. My target number is 10?! 10 people and their families.

So, if you live in the Twydall/Gillingham area, i would ask you to help me get to my number! Holy Trinity Church (the pointy one) is holding the Nativity service at 5pm Christmas Eve, dress your children up as nativity characters as well and let them have fun. Fulfil your childhood memories of this time of year and let your children have these memories too. Sing carols, dress up, have fun and remember why we have Christmas in the first place.

If you are interested. Message me and i will give you more information. Help me reach my target!!

Getting out of the boat and keeping focus. Part 2

Ok, so we saw that these men were in the boat and in trouble and scared. These were fishermen, men who knew the waters, knew the storms and knew how to survive , these were professionals. But the truth is here that they were scared because they had no hope, the fear that would have been taken by the hope in Jesus. They also relied in the hope and safety of what they knew, the safety of being in the boat.

This moment Jesus show them who he truly is, reminds them of the fact that they have been doubting. Reminding them to look at him and not the storm that's distracting around them.

Jesus walked out towards them, yet the disciples still being hardened to the identity of him, don't recognise him, the shout it in fear! Jesus first response is to say "don't be afraid, it is I". (The don't be afraid line is one of the most common in the bible, mentioned 365 times)

Peter, does the bravest thing and trusts that it is Jesus and says tell me to come. Some would see this as a sign of finally having obedience, i see this more as the thing that is holding Pater back, another back up way out of "well i didn't get out because Jesus didn't tell me to" but once Jesus says come, there is when you see the obedience from Peter.

He then started walking on the water to Jesus. He is actually doing it, but in typical Peter sense he fails again, he is distracted and still scared of what is around him, takes his eyes of Jesus and starts to sink.

Jesus reached in to the water and grabbed Peter, and once they were both on the boat, the storm cleared and they had already arrived onto the other side of the sea. (of which according to the story they had only rowed a mile into) At this point they all cry out saying that Jesus is truly the son of God, they have finally started seeing him. But as we see they still doubted in their hearts. "Later He appeared to the eleven as they sat at the table; and He rebuked their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they did not believe those who had seen Him after He had risen."

Are we not all like this though? When things are going well we are happy to get on with our lives and say how happy we are as Christians, but when it is stormy in our lives we call straight out to God for help. We harden ourselves to the truth that is Jesus and we often think it is easy to jump out of the boat and focus on God but realistically the things around us distract us, where we take our eyes off of him, where only at this point when we are sinking we shout out to God. We should pray to him and call out to him in praise as well in desperation. We should be looking at Jesus all the time, not just when it is stormy for him to rescue us.

I was planning on ending on Psalms 107:28-31

^"Then they cry out to the LORD in their trouble, And He brings them out of their distresses. He calms the storm, So that its waves are still. Then they are glad because they are quiet; So He guides them to their desired haven. Oh, that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness, And for His wonderful works to the children of men!"

Getting out of the boat and keeping focus. Part 1

I have been looking over what I have thought were well known Bible stories, as the more I read, meditate and then investigate further I seem to be realising that I don't really know the stories as well as I thought.


This week I decided to go with a friends suggestion of Jesus walking on water.


This story appears in three out of four of the gospels (Doesn't appear in Luke)


I started with the version in Matthew (Ch 14 v22-33)


It starts off with Jesus sending his disciples away in a boat whilst he sent away the crowd. So I looked into the back story. 24 - 48 hours earlier Jesus had just been told of the death of his Cousin, John the Baptist.


(He would have been brought up with this man and been quite close to him, especially when you consider the fact that both of their parents had miraculous pregnancies and it is even noted that Mary spent time with them whilst pregnant with Jesus at Johns birth. )


Jesus decided to retreat to solitude to pray and I would guess to mourn over his friend and relative. But before he got to do that he was approached by the crowd, that we would learn to be the feeding of the 5000 (plus women and children) They had came to crown him as king and I again, would guess to start the uprising against the Romans that the promised Messiah was told to bring. Jesus was still grieving but took his own personal problems to the side and fed the crowd.


So, with that back story we get to the point where the next story begins.


In my version of the Bible (King James (older version)) It says that the Disciples were constrained on to the boat. Constrain was an unusual word for me, so checking it out I found that Constrain is to bind and forcefully move. This would have often been suggested and used by Shepherds hearding sheep. (I found the Shepherd explanation a very interesting one) Clearly these Disciples didn't want to leave Jesus and by the sounds of it probably put up a bit of a fight.
After the Disciples were on the boat, Jesus saw off the crowd that had previously gathered. Again, like a good host seeing off the guests to the party by himself.  But that must have been a task alone, sending off 5000 (+), probably reassuring them on the way telling them about being meek etc; as stated before that they were probably ready for the uprising and revolt, hopefully playing on death of John the Baptist, making Jesus King. ( John 6v 15: Jesus, knowing that they intended to come and make him king by force, withdrew again to a mountain by himself.)


But a few points came out for me here:


1: Jesus was probably still grieving and still wanting to be isolated. (But instead, realistically, was probably surrounded by 10,000 people)


2: He actually took the time to send the crowd off, he could have quite easily have used his Disciples to help. But again this shows Jesus had time and love for us all and as individuals.


3: The crowd saw the disciples put into the boat and Jesus "alone" on the land. Who would argue with 5,000 (+) witnesses?


OK, so in the next part you see that night fell and Jesus is finally alone and ready to pray.  Jesus had his moment to grieve and pray. Although the storm came and he knew that the disciples were far off and in trouble.


Now, it is this next bit that I find so interesting and actually amazing.


"His wisdom is profound, his power is vast. Who has resisted him and come out unscathed? He moves mountains without their knowing it and overturns them in his anger. He speaks to the sun and it does not shine; he seals off the light of the stars. He alone stretches out the heavens and treads on the waves of the sea." (Job 9 verse 4 - 8)


This verse was linked in my Bible, I found this really intriguing.


In this verse from Job it shows the powers of God; it also suggests that who resist him. Had the disciples resisted Jesus?


Strange thought, because initially reading that verse from Job I would have suggested that it is talking about the devil, and resisting him, he too is powerful, we see his power and affects of it daily. But i wondered if it truly meant him, could it mean God.


In my King James version the opening verse in the above actually states something slightly different:


"He is wise in heart, and mighty in strength: who hath hardened himself against him, and hath prospered?"


Who hath hardened himself against him, and hath prospered? - To harden oneself, here means to resist or withstand him. It refers to the firmness or resolution which one is obliged to adopt who opposes another. Here it means the opposition which man makes to the law and government of the Most High; and the affirmation is, that no one can make such opposition who will not be ultimately overcome. God is so great, so powerful, and so just, that a successful resistance cannot be made.


So, I ask the question again, Had the disciples resisted Jesus?


Yes, I believe so. And hopefully will show why a bit later.


But what also interested me is that the verses in Job are almost prophetic for this event: We are aware at this time it was night (evening fell when Jesus prayed) and due to the stormy weather you wouldn't have seen the sky - "He speaks to the sun and it does not shine; he seals off the light of the stars." We then see the just response to the person whose divinity will prove who he is and how we will be able to identify him -"He alone stretches out the heavens and treads on the waves of the sea." (We see later on after Jesus walks on water that the storm ends) this would also link well with Matthew 8v 23-27

OK, so the disciples are resisting Jesus.

Well, consider the position the disciples are in, they have up to this point, according to the gospels, witnessed either independently or as a group 20! miracles (check out a previous blog post of mine to check: http://insidemartynsmind.blogspot.com/2011/03/miracles-of-jesus.html)

They have witnessed him do so much, but a few things that you clearly see is that they are still disobedient. They are right at the beginning of this story, Jesus forces them onto the boat, they didn't listen. This is seen in Mark 6:52 "For they had not understood about the loaves, because their heart was hardened."

They still were unsure of the true person Jesus was. Even in the calming of the storm in Matthew 8v27 " The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!” " They still called him just man, even though we see that in Job only one of divinity could control the elements and can tread on water!

Clearly the disciples are on a slippery path, they are resisting the true nature of Jesus and have hardened themselves to the truth.

We see this mentioned in Psalms 73:17-19 "till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny. Surely you place them on slippery ground; you cast them down to ruin. How suddenly are they destroyed, completely swept away by terrors! "
So, ending this part of the post, I will leave you with a question.

After seeing all the things the disciples had witnessed, would you have recognised the truth that was Jesus, or would you let society harden your heart?