Drinking

I am teetotal.

I stopped drinking on New years day after a friend decided to stop and asked for support along the way.

Drinking is something that I struggle with, some would even say that I was an alcoholic. I would drink everyday, usually at least 3 cans of Fosters a day sometimes up to 6 cans a day, along with this I would also drink a couple of bottles of wine to myself. This is incredibly excessive drinking.

It has always been justified by myself and others around me. I have a happy world of people who enable me.

My health problems cause me to have a lot of muscle pain, due to this pain it is often difficult for me to sleep, with most painkillers being quite useless when trying to take away some of the deep ache that my muscles have.

I also seem to get myself in lots of situations, which are often funny and is often at the centre of most of my social life's and friends jokes.

A friend of mine Hollie moved in with me a few years back, after becoming friends with Candy at University.

Candy would be at work, Hollie and I would crack open a bottle of wine, and  enjoy the evening. This one evening, we opened a bottle of red and had the music on whilst we danced or "wicked" around the front room, Hollie soon knocked over a glass of red, going over the wood floor. This and with me being the least steady on my feet there was a moment when I almost went flying. We joked that it would have been amusing for Candy to come home and find me laying on the floor, with an apparent red liquid leaking underneath me. What would have Candy assumed had happened?

On one of my many drinking nights out with my cousin Darren, we had a "few" too many drinks. When we knew this would be the case, Candy would set up the sofa bed in the front room for me (we never slept in the same bed if I was drinking)

I came into the bungalow and went flying onto the floor, Darren in a similar drunken state tried to help me up, but alas he couldn't. Now looking back I can't remember whose brilliant idea it was to drag me along the wood floor to the sofa bed, but whoever it was the action started. Darren pulling me along whilst I try my hardest to keep still to make it as easy for him as possible. One problem started to occur, Friction, the more Darren pulled the more my jeans went down, and slowly my underwear with it. Now this being the case, Dareen stops and tries to help the jeans go back up, whilst I tried to pull my underwear up. Now you have to use your imagination here, there are two men, one on the floor with his jeans around his ankles and pants going in the same direction. The other man is bent and buckled over with what can only be seen as him having a grip on these jeans. Got the image in your mind? At this point Candy comes out of the bedroom, takes one look at me and Darren and say "Do you two want to be alone?"
OK, we laugh about it now, but you get my point, I often, very often, find myself in situations that I later regret, even if they are funny afterwards.

I am almost 30, yet just before the New Year I found myself in a similar situation, it was another one of embarrassment that I am sure we will laugh about later on in life. But for me it was enough. I shouldn't keep getting myself into these situations, and they happen a lot, not because of the excessive drinking but also because of my health, I need to start being more responsible, but with an ever changing illness it is difficult to learn what my body can and cannot take with alcohol.

So when my friend Sean offered this no drinking pack, a promise to stop for God, it seemed right, right for the time.

I am finding it ever so difficult though. Most of the time it is probably just a habitual thing, I often find when Eastenders starts that I am reaching across for a drink (but then it is Eastenders, who doesn't reach across for a drink?) or with dinner I suddenly realise I am missing the companion I have got with dinner. Then I go to bed, the laying there, the feeling I have. And it isn't a emotional feeling, it is the fact that I am feeling, I can feel my legs, the pain and ache in them.

A few things have come about from stopping that I thought I would share.

Headaches.
I have been getting more headaches since I stopped drinking. I can only put this down to two things, one the amount of fluid that is going into my body. I would assume that even with alcohol that I am still inputting more liquid into my body than I possibly am now. Dehydration is still hydration and will always affect you in someway. So I will see if I can just drink more, and see if this helps. Also the Sugar level. There is a lot of sugar in alcohol and because of that, with the amount of drinking that I did one would assume that my body is missing a lot of sugar intake. (Although I am not sure if this will help my headaches)

Sugar
I know I just mentioned it, but I crave sugary things. This is rare for me, because I don't eat cake, chocolate or biscuits, but I am craving them now, craving an extra sugar in my coffee. But I wont supplement one thing for another, so I am trying to balance what I eat but at the same time i am not allowing sugar or sugary treats to replace the drinking.

Weight loss.
I seem to have dropped weight in some places, around my stomach and around my face. It may have been only two weeks, but I didn't realise how much calories I must have been putting into my body with the amount of drinking I was doing.

So, that's about it really, yes it is hard, yes I am struggling, but I will try to persevere because I know in the long run it will benefit me, I will try to keep you informed of whats going on or what thoughts I have about it, but in the meantime, keep me in your thoughts or prayers and I know it sounds silly but encouragement goes a long way, especially if I am having a weaker day.

Thinking or meditating? Bad or Good?

I was asked by a friend if I wanted to help him, and support him, this year and give up alcohol with him. I drink quite heavily, I use it to help me sleep as I get quite a lot of sore muscles at night and the alcohol relaxes me enough to sleep. I thinking i was drinking too much last year gave it up for lent and lasted the 40days and nights, not even allowing the so called "Sunday allowance" So, obviously giving it up for longer will be harder, but worth a challenge as the drinking has been bothering me again.

I'm 6 days in and finding it hard! I sit in the evening and the thoughts of drinking comes into my mind. And the distraction technique of praying, reading the Bible or trying to recite something you have read earlier is just about working.

But it got me thinking last night. How often do you just think?

I think to much, I get so many negative thoughts in my mind.

I have been thinking about meditation, I try so hard to think and meditate on the positive things, but the bad jumps back in.
I know where these bad thoughts are coming from and I even try to push them down, often pleading to God not to allow these thoughts to be happening.

But then I get a good thought, which I am thankful to God for, but it is keeping hold of it.

But is that the point? Is it meant to be difficult? I spoke earlier in 2011 about life being a war, and then how often we are caught up in the spiritual warfare. I concentrated on the concept that its bigger than we know. But it is often also the little thoughts that are hitting away at us that can make the battle hard, wearing us down slowly.

2 Corinthians 10v4-5

The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.So really we can fight the negative thoughts that we have enter our minds, but it just isn't that easy. Or at least I don't find it that easy.

It doesn't take me that long to be thinking negative things, putting myself down and then entering a spiral of self hate, and hate of others. But I don't want to be that way. I want to be better, I want to be more Christ like, I want to fight.

I find it easier to hold on to the negative things people say to me or about me, rather than the good. So why on earth am I meditating on the bad rather than the good? But it captures me so easily. Even when I pray and ask God for help when I realise that I am doing it (Most of the time I don't realise it until I'm deeper into the thoughts, thinking of anger, sadness even at times revenge)

But God is aware how difficult the little things would be, how easy it if to fall.

In Proverbs 12v15-16 it warns us of such. The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice. Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.

The strange thing is that I know i am valued and I know that I am loved. I just forget it, mainly because I don't value myself. As the saying goes "One mans rubbish is another mans treasure"

How right is that, of course I think little of myself, I only think in little terms, can rarely see in big terms, and that is why the little thoughts are the ones that bother me. But the truth is that God sees in big terms, He sees me in big terms, and although I think I am rubbish and rubbish for God, that He sees a treasure. Why else would He send Jesus to die for us?

He wants us to be the best we can be for Him.
But I know this, you know this, but I still struggle, I would hope many of you still struggle, like I do.

I need to quit wishing that things were different, that I am different, then these thoughts wouldn't be so easy to creep in.

In Daniel 4v35 it says
All the peoples of the earth are regarded as nothing. He does as he pleases with the powers of heaven and the peoples of the earth. No one can hold back his hand or say to him: "What have you done?"

God doesn't see us as nothing, God sees the bigger picture and sees the good in us, even when we can't see it.But how often do we do the last bit, and ask why? Why are these things happening? Why am i sick? Why didn't I get that job or interview? Why did that person die?

These whys are valid questions, but often hanging on and even asking these questions can get other negative connotations attached to you thoughts. Don't pray to God asking Why. Trust Him more. Don't be confused, mentally searching for the right thing, the thing that is right or real, as often this is what is making you realise what is wrong and fake, and again these are the things that attach to our thoughts, that expand like a negative balloon.

So, how do I get out of the negative cycle?

I honestly don't know. I don't have all the answers, but I am not going to ask why, because I will just try and trust. I will try to meditate and let the positive things expand more in my mind, of course holding on to the good for as long as you can will help. Letting the light burn bright for as long as you can will help keep the darkness away. But I will also try to better myself, by having a better relationship with God, experiencing Him will only mean experiencing His love. But only by changing things that will allow this better relationship. I will try to value myself more, not worry so much, try to get some balance in my life, not to work too much, to give myself a break. I will make sure I have boundaries around me, with a good gate to allow the good in, but to keep out the bad, the people who help the negative thoughts come in, who honestly do not care for you in a way that they should.

I was told my a (differnt) friend (also my vicar) that sometimes you need to make sure your well is being filled by God, if you are constantly giving. I will try to do that, let God fill me more rather than having an empty well that can be filled by rubbish that God doesn't want in me.

Are you sleeping comfortably?

I came a cross a really interesting article that I thought I would share with you.

How often do we moan about sleeping? I often see many Facebook status' saying that people haven't slept well or that they just are not sleeping. Don't get me wrong I am just as bad, and will often do the same.

So what is our obsession with sleeping well?

I use to think it was down to the commitment that we have, commitment to be a parent; you're up all day running around after your children, is tiring, you need to sleep well to manage it the next day. Or take work as an example, working 10-12 hours a day and then again knowing that you have to do the same tomorrow on limited sleep is a nightmare!

What if then you work part-time and you're a parent and a husband/wife and you have other duties on top. Well, I am sure we can at some point relate to that.

So, is sleeping well a modern thing?

It must be, we all go out and make sure we buy comfy mattresses, which usually suit our life style, be it hard mattresses, soft, body shaping or even the latest spring memory foamed. With all this modern advances we must be counter reacting to the normal life style that we are creating for ourselves, could even say living comfortably to our means and lifestyle.

Realistically, thousands of years ago, people weren't sleeping on mattresses before they went out and worked on the field or cared for their family!

Or so we would have thought!

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2011/11/111208-oldest-mattress-africa-archaeology-science/

According to this article a 77,000 year old Mattress has been discovered, showing that they cleverly worked out specific layers of plants and materials to for a 12 inch (30 cm) mattress to sleep on and to top it off, they were also concerned about bedbugs!! As it appears the top layers were specific plants that kept away Ants, flies and mosquitoes  (and I would assume other bugs)

It really isn't a surprise though when you think about how many animals build nests, even some closer related species like chimps and gorillas who build nests for sleeping comforts. But still, reading the article still impressed me.

It really got me thinking how in some ways our long lost ancestors must have dreamt of a good night sleep just as much as we do! And they survived to hunt and fish another day, then so shall we!!

Now stop hogging my Mammoth blanket and let me get some sleep!

Christmas and Children

Christmas is such a lovely time of year.

It is probably one of the busier times of years for churches, I am aware of more people going to church at this time of year, which in some ways is brilliant because the people who are going try to set something aside for God.

I was wondering if this has anything to do with our childhood memories?

Most of us remember the Christmas rush at school, there would be the Christmas school play, the Nativity and usually the Carols that we would sing in Assemblies (usually very loudly!!) We all grow up with the feeling that these are things that help us get into the Christmas spirit. My Sister-in-law for example, posted on facebook, "Christmas songs playing in the car and it is snowing, now feeling all Christmassy" 

So, for a Christian, although I could argue that Once a year church isn't really Church, i think we should use this opportunity to present ourselves, God, Jesus the best that we can, allow our churches to capture the hearts of everyone who comes.

I know, though that this is difficult to do, so for the time being I will smile at seeing everyone new coming into church for the special events.

My target event this year is the Nativity service. I am keen on seeing if I can get as many people, as possible, hopefully people with children, to this service this year. I mentioned this service and it has happily spread like wild fire. Fantastic!!
And to this date we have organised at least 4 people coming with their families to enjoy the service. My target number is 10?! 10 people and their families.

So, if you live in the Twydall/Gillingham area, i would ask you to help me get to my number! Holy Trinity Church (the pointy one) is holding the Nativity service at 5pm Christmas Eve, dress your children up as nativity characters as well and let them have fun. Fulfil your childhood memories of this time of year and let your children have these memories too. Sing carols, dress up, have fun and remember why we have Christmas in the first place.

If you are interested. Message me and i will give you more information. Help me reach my target!!

Black Mirror - The National Anthem

I sat and watched a new series to Channel 4 called Black Mirror and straight away thought that I needed to write a review of it.

The series was advertised as being a dark programme pushing the boundaries of social understanding.

Having just and only watched the first episode the above statement is spot on.

The story is set in a similar reality to our own (the only differences really being is names of people and companies)

The episode opens up on the Prime Minister waking up to get an emergency phone call from his office and that he needed to report to them straight away.

What then seems to unravel is that he is presented with a film footage of a ransom order from a kidnapped Princess. ( I would assume that this Princess is meant to represent the Princess Katherine) The Princess begs for her release, as I would expect to see in any ransom video. The officials stop the tape and warns the prime minister that what happens next in the bargaining ransom is unprecedented. The kidnapped princess will only be released if he has sexual intercourse with a pig by 4 o'clock that day.

What would you do?

The story unfolds that the Government make attempts to deceive the terrorist by trying to set up a "fake film" only for the terrorist to know and stop them by sending in a cut finger with the princesses wedding ring on.

Now, as you would suspect it portrays the Government as one of secrecy and cover up. However, there seems to be a very quick down fall in their scheme. The internet. The original video that was released was done via youtube. by the point that it was ready to be taken of 40,000 people had viewed it. From that they estimated that 5 to 6 copies were appearing to everyone that they deleted from the site. The video was then trending on Facebook and Twitter, Yet with the news under a Government agreement of silence the world is waiting "knowing" of the event without any real clarity.

I am sure we are all aware of the great way that things spread over the social media networks.

With the severed finger now in the possession and the news teams breaking the silence that they had promised and are now publishing the Prime minister gets a phone call from the Queen, from which the only thing we know is that she has asked him to do all that is in his power?!

With the country in 89% support of the prime minister going a head with the act of which they are standing by their TV screens waiting for the 4 o'clock broadcast. The with his Government officials meeting half hour before the deadline, they have informed him that all parties have agreed that he goes a head with it and that if he didn't they couldn't guarantee the life of him or his family. He gets in the car and heads into the TV studio.

I have to admit I was cringing at this point. He was put into a position where he had no other option, the option not to do it would have put him, his family and the Princess in danger. I asked it before, but what would you do?

The scene unfolds and he has sex with the Pig whilst the nation sickeningly sits and watches via their televisions. The act last an hour before the Princess is found. Could you sit and watch the act? Could you for an hour?

We then find that it was an elaborate prank by a dying artist, trying to make the greatest artistic work of the 21st century. He takes his own life by hanging. Therefore making him free and a dead artist.

It is a sick concept really and towards the end I was really cringing at the show (even with the obvious presentation that you didn't actually witness any bestiality, you just were implied the concept)

A few things stood out though.

How quickly things spread via the internet and social media sites, so much that a pressure built of 1.3 Billion people had wanted this man, this father this husband to perform this sickening act.

Would you really watch him go through with the act? I would like to think and say no I wouldn't, but my thoughts went back to studies regarding how far people get pushed into events through peer pressure and group/mob mentality of pushing for an undesirable outcome (Look at the context of some of the rioters in London this past Summer)

The last thought (thoughts) is a disturbing one. What would you do when put under so much pressure? What would you do to save another persons life? What would you do to save your wife and children?

The Wright Stuff - Liam Aitchison

Now, I tend to clear away from news articles that could cause arguements. But this recent story has been brought to my attention and if i am completely honest I really don't know how I feel about it.

The Wright Stuff is a Tv and news programme, based on a panel discussing points of interesting from the news, this being Tv or tabloid papers. Matthew Wright is the presenter of the Channel 5 show.

There has recently been a tradgic murder in Scotland, on the Isle of Lewis.The horrific murder of the teenage boy Liam Aitchison in teh Stornoway area, was the first murder in 40 years for the Island. This murder was mentioned in the tabloids and then reported back to the panel in the Wright Stuff earlier this week.

Now, this is where, sadly, my moral compass is off and I don't know how I feel about what unfolds next. In the presentation of the story, it is mentioned there has been a murder in Scotland, at this point the Tv host Matthew Wright puts on a Scottish Accent and say "murrrdderr" in the way that Comedians and the general public, including myself, have done following the popular Scottish Murder and Crime series Taggart. The presenter and the panelist then talk about the area of Stornoway and fishing. The clip is below:


I have watched this clip too many times to mention now, each time it seems to me, very clearly, that Matthew Wright is NOT meaningfully making fun of the victim or the poor boys family and that there is no meaning of malice behind his comment, so part of me feels sorry for the backlash that he is getting, which seems to be a current craze of the nation to blow up any body from celebratity form into a front page headline, catching them out at every chance. Start up a capagin against this and Ofcom that.

However, this is a tv panel show about the news shouldn't this then mean that we should hold a more direct and serious approach to the presentation of the show?

But then I don't watch it for that, I actually watch it to follow up the current news with someone who is as oppinionated as I am and with that a bit of tongue in cheek behaviour.

That being said they were reporting on a murder. A murder of a young teenage boy. This is also the first murder that the Stornoway community has seen in a generation. This boys family, friends and community are clearly going to be shocked and disgusted at this news not being taken seriously.

So, where do you draw the line?

Should a panel show like this tighten up on its presenters and make it a strict news presenting show?

Should the producers, directors and teams have a bit more control about the news stories that are presented, so no offence is taken?

Should Matthew Wright be fired from the show and Channel 5?

Or Should we expect nothing less from a show, that you purposefully watch for the comedy that surrounds the news?

I will be honest, these questions above is where my thoughts are, and I can not seem to pick a question to answer and run with. It WAS wrong of them, yet Matthew Wright has apologised. It is in bad taste, but very rarely have I seen a murder story even mentioned on the show, does that mean the format needs to change.

I'll leave you to comment and tell me.

..........................................................................................................

I would like you to take this as my views over the news scandal of Matthew Wright and his presenting, not on the horrific murder of Liam Aitchison. This is a horrible crime and my prayer and condolences are with this poor boys friends, family and community.

Getting out of the boat and keeping focus. Part 2

Ok, so we saw that these men were in the boat and in trouble and scared. These were fishermen, men who knew the waters, knew the storms and knew how to survive , these were professionals. But the truth is here that they were scared because they had no hope, the fear that would have been taken by the hope in Jesus. They also relied in the hope and safety of what they knew, the safety of being in the boat.

This moment Jesus show them who he truly is, reminds them of the fact that they have been doubting. Reminding them to look at him and not the storm that's distracting around them.

Jesus walked out towards them, yet the disciples still being hardened to the identity of him, don't recognise him, the shout it in fear! Jesus first response is to say "don't be afraid, it is I". (The don't be afraid line is one of the most common in the bible, mentioned 365 times)

Peter, does the bravest thing and trusts that it is Jesus and says tell me to come. Some would see this as a sign of finally having obedience, i see this more as the thing that is holding Pater back, another back up way out of "well i didn't get out because Jesus didn't tell me to" but once Jesus says come, there is when you see the obedience from Peter.

He then started walking on the water to Jesus. He is actually doing it, but in typical Peter sense he fails again, he is distracted and still scared of what is around him, takes his eyes of Jesus and starts to sink.

Jesus reached in to the water and grabbed Peter, and once they were both on the boat, the storm cleared and they had already arrived onto the other side of the sea. (of which according to the story they had only rowed a mile into) At this point they all cry out saying that Jesus is truly the son of God, they have finally started seeing him. But as we see they still doubted in their hearts. "Later He appeared to the eleven as they sat at the table; and He rebuked their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they did not believe those who had seen Him after He had risen."

Are we not all like this though? When things are going well we are happy to get on with our lives and say how happy we are as Christians, but when it is stormy in our lives we call straight out to God for help. We harden ourselves to the truth that is Jesus and we often think it is easy to jump out of the boat and focus on God but realistically the things around us distract us, where we take our eyes off of him, where only at this point when we are sinking we shout out to God. We should pray to him and call out to him in praise as well in desperation. We should be looking at Jesus all the time, not just when it is stormy for him to rescue us.

I was planning on ending on Psalms 107:28-31

^"Then they cry out to the LORD in their trouble, And He brings them out of their distresses. He calms the storm, So that its waves are still. Then they are glad because they are quiet; So He guides them to their desired haven. Oh, that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness, And for His wonderful works to the children of men!"