Self-esteem: Part 1

I thought I would write a few blog post about self-esteem.

I have a few rationale and irrational self-esteem issues, these although not an individual mental health problem does in fact contribute already occurring issues. Trying to turn and improve  on your self esteem and at the same time limit the negativity that contributes to your self esteem is incredibly difficult. This therefore is what I thought I would discuss.

I believe that every one holds certain thoughts and opinions about themselves, particularly when concerning the type of person that the are or at least believe that they are. This is usually then coupled with how much you value yourself, making the combined problem of self-esteem issues.  Doctors, counsellors and other therapist will say that it is possible to change this view of yourself, this is what I will try to explore.

I watched a while back a Derren Brown programme about luck. This programme was trying show the in "trick" was to convince people that their positive reactions to things increase a positive luck and negative responses will create a unlucky person. Self-esteem plays a massive role here as if you honestly believe that you are unlucky, or have low self-esteem that "negative energy" you will then concentrate negativity that focuses on your weaknesses and all the mistakes you make.

I often do this, something bad will happen and I will beat myself up over and over again, usually until the next negative thing happens. It is a horrible feeling and it is often difficult for me to think otherwise. We have all been in that relationship where when you argue with the person that you love all the little negativity thrives through your lips about the little things that bother you, because it is easier to focus on the reasons why you are bad, and these arguments usually starts because your stressed and feeling tired, worn down and ultimately having low self-esteem, you take that one criticism and run with it into an argument. It is easily done, and although I sit here writing about it, I still have the tendency to role the negativity thoughts in rather than the positive. You never click out of the thoughts thinking "oh they made me this lovely cup of tea this morning, spontaneously, that was lovely" or "they bought me flowers because they saw them and thought of me" Holding negative thoughts about yourself or from a previous event lowers your resilience and your ability to brush things off and cope with the stresses of day to day life.

Positive thoughts and compliments are easier to throw aside and this is what should change. Think about the positive things we have in life and be grateful for them.

So what can you do?

Well the first thing I believe is to focus on what you think are the negative influences in your life  and try to iscolate these from your day to day activities if you can. But most of the time you can usually find that the negativity is something you experienced through a "tramatic" experience as a child. When something happens that reminds you of these significant experiences, you expect teh worst and are likely to react badly. Creating a never ending circle of negativity and low expectations that push to the forefront of your mind.

You could have been exposed to physical, emotion or sexual abuse that then makes you insecure where your reminded by rejection or negativity in that particular area. You could have been bullied at school or made to feel like the odd one out or just generally having a trauma that causes isolation of loneliness.

If  you can recognise what is wrong then you can look at trying to correct it. If you identify with a few of these then you will start on the one that seems less daunting, something plausible to tackle. Set yourself a challenge that you realistically think that you can achieve. Start with something easy, small, but which will still show meaning for you. Tell others about what you are trying to do, so others can witness your achievements, and then although I know that it is difficult but accept their praise to you. Then when you do it once, then do it again, conquering all the small things that will help turn some of your negativity around. Whilst doing this remember to try these four things:

1: Stop comparing yourself to others and their achievements.
2:Get into the habit of saying positive things to others and then to yourself.Thinking positively in difficult times, trying to find the silver lining in the cloud. (I know it is difficult and gets tedious, but try it)
3:Accept others positivity to you, and try to take their compliments to you. Spending time with positive people will help you feel better.
4:Don't put yourself down, look at every activity as a benefit to yourself or others. Being helpful and considerate to others will help you to acknowledge your own positive qualities.

I know trying to tackle these things are hard, I often know the right and correct things to do, and yet i still fall into the same traps time and time again. I will start tackling one of my weakeness ( Allowing the little "off the cuff comments to hurt me") and in the meantime I will also do the four points I listed above. I will let you know how I get on and try to show you some features that might help you along the way. Comment if you find this useful and let me know how you get on!