The People in my life: Part 3 - Mum and Dad

OK, so this is the third part of my posts on people in my life. I was thinking that I seem to be putting them in priority, not purposefully.

My Mum and Dad.

I love my Mum and Dad, that probably seems such a redundant thing to say but it is true. I look back on my life a thank God for the gift of my parents and how they have shaped my life.

I was adopted at 14 months old, into the loving parents that are Pauline and Keith. They had adopted my (non-biological) brother 4 years before me. I love that I was adopted, not only for the fact that later on in life after opening my file that I realise how lucky I was to be adopted ( I'll write about my adoption at a later time) but also am reminded that I was chosen, chosen by these parents to put their love and affection into. I do believe sometimes that you don't fully appreciate being born into your family, especially nowadays when you see so many "accidents" ( I really hate that wording, but you all understand what I mean). Anyway, back to my point, I was always told I was chosen to be loved and that has stuck with me.

My Mum is brilliant! She has a very strict way of living, loving her routine and organisation. She always likes to use this gift of organising with others, where it often comes across as rude and interfering, but when you realise why she does it then it is quite endearing. My Mum lost her father ( William's name sake) when she had just turned 14. Her mum did not cope well, and relied on her 14 year old daughter to become head of the house, looking after not only herself but her younger brother. I think that by having to take on that much responsibility at such an early age must have intergrated these traits into her persona.  She met my Dad that same year (just before Granddad died) so I think she held on to him as part of her routine. She went on to have secretarial work within the army, working for different branches, dealing with specific specialised tasks. I personally think that her spending that amount of time in the army intensified her super-organised personality.

As a mum, she was the one to be scared of- the one you did not upset, and if you saw her take her sandal (Scholl ( Wooden bottom shoes)) off - trust me, you ran! But she also put all her energy into us, loving us. One of my favourite memories is laying on her, giving cuddles, after Dad had bathed me, just cuddling into her. I wish I was almost that small to enjoy that feeling. She was always the Mum in the school defending my corner, but was attacking me from the teacher’s point of view when we got home, often with a Scholl to hand.

Dad, well, what can I say about my Dad! Except that he bugs me!! He is the friendliest man I know, he will openly talk to anyone about anything.....always with a coffee in hand or a cigarette hanging out of his mouth!! He comes from a traditionalist family, where all that matters is family, and this is very clear in his attitude, and I hope that this trait is the one thing I can truly take from him. He was my inspiration force behind all of my music, constantly pushing me to be better and achieve. He did that in all the things we did, he took us to cricket, Karate, Cubs and Scouts, Ice Skating, to work with him and would always make sure we helped him in the garden. If you ask me straight off who I spent more time with as a child I would say Mum (Dad was always too busy working or sleeping where he was tired from work), but when you list the things out loud that he did with us, you can clearly see he spent every moment he could with his two boys. He worked hard as a milkman for many years, until the physical strain stopped him. But the sheer fact that he talks to complete strangers, literally anywhere we, go bugs me-no matter how much he is or was good with us! But I suppose embarrasing your children is one of the main roles of a father, and I'm sure I'll make my boys cringe when they're older.

The one thing that I truly love about my parents, that I could never talk about properly, is the fact that although I can say the things above about them, the truth is that I don't really know them! They adopted us when they were in their 40's, and having lived two decades as a couple without children, they've obviously lived a life before Nathan and I came along. And although I know this, it brings no comfort from the random sneak views into their past lives, when they will both come out with information about their life before they adopted us. I am 28 years old with my brother Nathan being 32, neither of us would have ever heard in the 30 years of knowing them that they did these things, for instance, I recently found out that they were international ten pin bowling players! I know it sounds crazy, but we didn't know (I didn't believe them until they showed the photos and badges etc.) until just a few months ago! If there are two people in the world who know how to live, and live a life well, it is my mum and dad.

I am lucky to have been given such a wonderful childhood and an adulthood full of love and support (if anything, they are even better grandparents than they were parents-Will is always on his best behaviour at their house, but is simultaneously spoilt rotten, but I think that's what grandads and nannys are for!). I am the person I am because my life has been shaped by the nurture of these two amazing people. And in the argument between nurture and nature, I can tell you that nurture wins hands down for me.

Thanks, Mum. Thanks, Dad. I couldn't have made it without you.

The People in my life: Part 2 - Candy

Well, this will be the second post on the topic of the people in my life, the last one being about my son, William.

I thought this time I would talk about my wife, Candy.

I met Candy about 11 years ago when we were both at school; after the secondary, the boys and girls schools merged for the sixth form.

I was put back a school year to catch up on a few subjects that I lazily didn’t do as well as I could have. I had also decided to take Biology, as I didn’t perform well for my GCSE science, which I needed to be a teacher.  Candy too took this subject.

On our very first encounter, I saw my friend Vicky, who I knew through my aunt, walking down the path with this blonde girl running back and forth around her, with which all I can describe as an overly happy smile, and with blonde hair flying everywhere. Trying to be cool by standing with my friends, this blonde maniac runs up to me, around me and, with no word of a lie, barking like a small dog.  WHAT A NUTTER!! She later sat next to me, which made my Biology lesson rather frustrating!

Well, during my University years my friend suggested I bring Candy to his birthday party (more through his pleasure of me going with the local crazy girl), and trying to show I was no coward, I agreed to the challenge. I was more shocked than anyone when our friendship blossomed.

Am not going to bore you with the romantic and sloppy stuff, but in 2005 we got in engaged and married in 2007. It truly was a wonderful day.

Candy is a fantastic wife, she is always trying to better herself and although to my annoyance believes that she is a constant failure and must better herself, she really isn’t! She manages to keep the same happy smile on her face that she had when she was 16! Even when times are at their hardest!

She acts as my Carer and looks after me physically for every need. She is the strongest woman I know, which shows when she is picking me up and moving me with such an ease.

Most importantly, she is the mother of my two boys, and what a brilliant mum she is! I have tried being her and all I can say is it is like being a constant children’s television presenter! I just don’t know where she gets the energy from. This is especially seen when she manages to be my wife, carer and house keeper and mother all in one. (I struggle doing more than two of them, without falling into a mess)

She is smart witted and still as crazy and care free as she was so many years ago, and to be honest however much her care free nature can embarrass me slightly, it is not because of her but my own views.

Am very lucky to find myself someone who does everything I could dream of, and do it so well.

The People in my life : Part 1 - William

I thought I would write a few small blog posts about the people in my life, and start with my eldest son, William (William Martin Kitney born in February 2009). I would talk about my youngest son, James, but at this time he is only 4 days old, and although I love him, I don’t know him as well as William.

William is gorgeous, even if i do say so myself! He is currently two years and three months, which for me means fun, fun, fun!

He is quite chatty and for his age has a brilliant vocabulary, even if he is not enunciating all the words clearly-the more you are around him the easier he is to understand. He has a cheeky little smile and a beautiful look in his eyes when he is trying to be cheeky; something I suppose I shouldn't be in support of,but can't help smiling seeing the twinkle in his eye when he's up to mischief.

His overall development is probably average for his age, you could quite arguably say that some things he is way ahead, like his logical way of understanding and doing things, and his amazing imaginative play. But then,  in other areas, he still has trouble singing songs and knowing where his physical boundaries are: i.e. jumping and landing.  So, all in all, he is probably about average for things.

He loves learning; he is quite good at his sign language and using this as part of his regular activities. Reading, he can't actually read, but he loves a good book, and has taken after his father by having a real love for the Gruffolo series, which he will laugh and talk about.

He is really inquisitive though, I like this most about him, and for me this shows his intelligence. I am not the type of parent that wants their children to be more intelligent or more physical, I want my sons to be who they are, but if they show a certain tendency then I will encourage it. Will's tendency is to know everything that he can know for his little mind, this is often shown through is great memory of people, things and events.
If he sees a piggy bank for example, he will look at it, try to get the money out anyway he can and then investigate the money and will then put it back in the piggy bank....at this point he is done and he will move on to the next thing to investigate, but only after he has asked if he can.

I love this, it is tiring and frustrating, mainly because we are always running around after his latest adventure. But the reason I truly love it because I see every moment that he is learning and remembering something new.

This behaviour is often frowned upon; people look at him and think he is being naughty. But I honestly don't think he is, he wasn't being naughty, and he was touching to investigate (Usually with the adults permission). When things matter, really matter, he will sit and listen, he will do what you have asked him. Does it mean we have to talk to him more so he understands....of course it does! But then isn't that our responsibility? Not his fault. We have taught him that there are some things he can touch and that there are things that he is never to touch and he is pretty good at that. He will, I suppose like most children, test his boundaries not only with us but with others every so often, but isn’t that his way of reassuring his own behaviour?

So, when we hear people telling him off for touching or investigating it makes me sad, when people tell us how their child never did these things, and how they sat still, this is fine, for your child if that is how you want them to be. For me, if Will was hurting someone, if he is hurting himself, or about to hurt him and if he is rude and unkind, well then of course discipline him. If he is asking questions and investigating, then I really don't mind.

Will and I didn’t bond well (or as well as I would have liked) when he was born. We still sat and cuddled and played, but I think I was always very aware of my health boundaries and held back a little. Because of this, not only is he a mummy’s boy but a clingy one at that. But recently, I decided to make a real effort with him, having more specific activities with him, talking to him more about what he is doing. This has helped with the birth of James, as Will is now spending more time with me, I think because he knows that Mummy is currently a little preoccupied with James. But for me, it just means I have more time to play and talk. It is still hard, especially with my certain limitations, but I know it is important for us all. We share time in the garden together, where he uses his seaside spade to help me dig, which is always “helpful”, even when it is probably not.

So that is my child and my relationship with him.

He is a beautiful and intelligent child and because of that I love him, and cannot wait to see that boy that he continues to turn into!