Day 13 being shackled

In posts that have been published within my lent challenge, I have been trying to show some self improvement, but show that there are different was for improvement for everyone. Showing that we as humans have to potential for more, with a little evaluation and growth that we can achieve more. I really still fell this comes back to my post on Day 2 about Love. Love is the foundation for every action and reaction that we make.

We often see that people see love as a partnership and a relationship, like we would see in boyfriend and girlfriend or husband and wife. But as I tried to say before that this isn't the case, we can reflect our kindness and consideration to help other through the power of love, a love for one another.

Such a sweet idealised thought though.

People don't tend to do that. People look upon the world and don't offer kindness  or reflect something good, and for someone receiving kindness we almost become suspicious, questioning the motives. Could this complete stranger actually be nice to me because they are a nice person? Or this nice motion seems to much for me, doesn't sit right for me, how could this person be so true and kind? We are very quick to accept help from family and friends, but when they do it we take them for granted. We are more likely to fall out with family and our closest friends because we expect too much out of the situation, albeit that it could just be an expectation that the other person should be more sensitive to your needs.

I experienced this earlier today. I had to go into town to sort some bits out, and decided to grab myself a cooked lunch in the cafe. The cafe has a large step going into it but the food is lovely and worth the effort. It is usually a very quite little side road cafe, which is usually a bonus for me to sit and relax in. Opening the door I have see that there are two table sitting down, both with elderly ladies. Having difficulty getting in I have the door wide open, once in I attempt to shut the door, but it is always notoriously difficult. And one lady at one table, very loudly to her friend said, "look he makes me cold enough whilst he gets in and now he wont even shut the door" Rude, but I tried not to take much notice. A few minutes later, she has another bee in her bonnet. "Don't get real men nowadays, not with real manners, he wont even take his cap off ( I was wearing a flat cap) whilst hes eating" I was cross and had a word with the lady and put her in her place for being nosey and rude.
Yet whilst all this was happening the other table of elderly ladies sat just watching, they watched me struggle and climb in through the door, struggle to sit, they saw that I was just trying to read the paper and enjoy my lunch.

The two rude ladies left after I commented to them. On my turn to leave I went to get up, and this lady from the other table got up and came and held the back of my chair so it was steady for me to use. She very quietly spoke and lent forward. "Some people carry so much anger that they dont always see what's infront of them, I can see there is something wrong with you but I think it's great that you do what you do"
Ignoring certain aspects of what she said, I actually thought this was the sweetest comment I had heard in a while. She came and helped, showed her love and kindness and verbally showed me that the world can be a nice place.

Sometimes we carry so much around with us, I have mentioned before about bad notes, stains and wrongs or hurts that we carry round, we often wear them as shackles, the things that imprison us and our growth. Yes these things do need to be cut out of our lives but we need to be careful. As I mentioned yesterday, at what cost are we cutting back and are we really cultivating our lives? If you're cutting the trees back are you doing it for your pleasure; allowing more sun into your garden? or are you doing it to allow more growth; cutting the trees to allow them to grow into the sun?

The shackles that we wear and carry can influence the things we do, where ideally a choice could lead to another pair of shackles. I know that has happened to me, I though through one action I could get rid of a shackle and be free but through that I gained another.

I will end on  story I was told about Nelson Mandela.
When in prison he spent so long being angry for being in there, he admitted that half of his sentence was anger and revenge. On release, he we to see the man who arrested him, but to do what?
When he arrived he met with this mans wife and found out that the man that he had come to talk to, to right things in his mind had died. Apparently of cancer a few years earlier, in conversation the women said that the officer had spoken about that day a lot, he had felt guilt, but with having to continue his work and earn a living for his wife and kids he had very little choice at the time. Nelson gave his love and condolences to the women and left.

Nelson admitted that he wanted to show forgiveness to this man. He had realised that one of the reasons he was so angry on prison was because it wasn't his tiny cell that was imprisoning him, but his anger towards that man. He meditated on that thought for his remaining time, realising that forgiving this man was a way to allow his imprisonment to stop even when he was out of the building. On hearing the news he later admitted that he was filled with shame and guilt, not because we was willing to forgive, but because he used his time not doing it sooner. Nelson now had a new shackle to wear.

We don't really know the motivations of others, however much we might seek conversation's of truth and logic to help us, we can be left in the dark. But we can still get a glimmer of light within our day. Use that light and use it wisely. I know I carry a shackle similar to Nelsons, a shackle of guilt, over misused decisions or feelings. Don't waste your time, if you know something is good allow it to shine and help you, and if it isn't good, then what is the reason that it is shackling you for?

How often do our decisions reflect love, kindness, consideration and forgiveness, giving that person one more chance? How often do we make decisions that shackle us, and we can't seem to shake that shackle? And if we can do we do it with out gaining another?